Relationships. Work Psychology

In meeting rooms across the globe there are people terrified of being themselves. They project their workplace selves, showing how conservative, cautious, ambitious, collaborative, assertive and clever they are.

They are less likely to talk about their nerves, worries and confusion. Let’s not be human when we’ve got colleagues, clients and managers to impress, right?If we care to admit it, we have all been concerned with making a bad impression.

I had a friend who walked into a shop to ask a girl on a date. She declined and he felt bad about it. However, he was also quick to recall all the other things that magnified the rejection making him feel even worse.

His hair and clothes were a mess. He felt people were staring at him from the moment he walked in until the moment he made his deflated exit.

At that point in time the whole universe seemed to focus attention on his scruffy, rejected appearance. Of course, this was just a memory fuelled by emotion.

Fear of rejection makes us better at recalling these negative experiences. It can also make us disapprove of others.

In one study individuals were told they were going to meet someone and were instructed to be sure to make a good impression.

In a subtle change to the instruction, another group of participants were told to avoid making a bad impression.

Each group then read a list of personal characteristics supposedly nominated by the person they were about to meet. Shortly afterwards they also read a description of the person.

They were then were asked to recall as many of the characteristics they could remember from the list.

Those participants instructed to avoid making a bad impression were more likely to remember the negative qualities of the person, compared with those instructed to make a good impression.

They were also more likely to instinctively dislike the person (who they never actually ended up meeting).

It seems that when we are preoccupied with not making a bad impression we are also more sensitive to possible problems and threats. So, we start to see others through the same negative lens and are more attuned to their negative qualities.

The researchers suggest this is one reason why individuals concerned with loneliness and rejection also feel the loneliest and most rejected. Their perception is distorted by their fear.

It can explain why so many individuals dread being asked to deliver a presentation or give a speech. Even when successfully delivered, the fear of making a bad impression can leave lingering negative thoughts about the experience.

Perhaps instead of trying to avoid a bad experience, individuals should simply refocus on the strategies and tactics for making a good impression. It’s a subtle shift but, after all, the last thing you want to do is make a bad impression.